Be Who You've Always Wanted to Be

As the new year is approaching, I'm assuming most of us are inspired to set some resolutions and goals that are going to take our lives to the next level in 2011.  I am also assuming that for most of your resolutions, this is not the first time you've committed to them.  Why don't they happen for most of us?  Are we doomed to attempt the same resolutions year after year?  But of course not!  If you're going to start seeing the results you want, you need to know a few important things concerning your brain.

1.  Your brain has conscious and unconscious thoughts and actions.
2.  Conscious thoughts/actions are the things you intentionally and deliberately focus your mind to while unconscious thoughts/actions are things that you do or think when you don't have or don't make time to think it through.

3.  Most often, if your unconscious and conscious minds are battling, your unconscious will win because it requires the least effort.  The unconscious does not require will power, discipline, self-control, none of that.  You can just give up and the unconscious can take over, it's your mind's default.

4.  Resolutions are birthed in the conscious

So why share all this?  It's because I want all of you and myself to finally live lives we've been desiring for so long.  The way to live the life you want is to shift your focus from the conscious to the unconscious.  Let me give you some examples:

• Want to lose weight?  Instead of starting by making decisions on what you will and will not eat, exercises, etc, first decided to expose your mind to helpful content.  Don't read magazines or watch shows that make you feel inadequate but instead fill your mind with articles regarding help, inspiring stories about unlikely people achieving their goals, and anything else that informs you of healthy living and lets you know you can do it!
• Want to have a closer relationship with God?  Don't get focused on your do's and don'ts in the conscious level because the essence of who you are can really be seen when you're caught off guard. God's more concerned about what's going on in your mind and heart so start there.  Expose yourself to scripture specific to your desire.  Maybe you don't want to have anxiety anymore.  Read scripture about putting aside fear and taking on God's peace.  Watch and listen to online sermons on the topic.  Surround yourself with people who are free from anxiety.

In doing these things, we're changing and shaping how our mind reacts naturally.  Exposing our minds to filth or things that don't build us up is what's really holding us back.  So for 2011, start with the unconscious and I guarantee you that you'll see results!  It's already working for plenty of others, including me!

 For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

When I was 13...

When I was thirteen, I had oral sex with 4 guys in one night.  It started out with just two but then they called their friends and pretty soon, they were lined up and I was the prize.  I remember not understanding why it was such a big deal to them but enjoying the fact that all their eyes were focused on me.  It wasn't until the weekend ended and Monday brought on the realization that all the guys wanted was what they could get out of me and how it would make them feel.  They told the whole school and the girls (even though they were doing the same thing) called me sluts and the guys threw money at me in between classes.  Every time I saw any of the guys who were there that night, they gave me a look as if they'd conquered me, which to my understanding, they had.  People talk about hitting rock bottom.  That was mine.  Everyone treated me like trash and I felt like trash with no hope of things ever changing.  I'm so grateful for that humiliating experience.  It just so happened that the only group of people who didn't know what I did were the Christians so the people of Campus Crusade for Christ for high school students became my new friends.  I was mentored by two older women who repeatedly and gently told me not to sell myself short.  They told me that God had these things for my future:  a plan for my life, a trustworthy husband who would love me for me, and best of all, a heart to forgive me for everything I had done.

More than a decade later, those days are long gone.  The thought to share this story came because I remembered that this is an ongoing struggling for many women today.  It starts in the preteen years and goes on as long as we let it before we finally surrender our pain to God.  We'll find a healing that fills our void and holds us back from using our bodies for what it wasn't meant for.  Sex is not something you wait until you're old enough for.  Sex is supposed to be enjoyed forever with your spouse.  A spouse that has committed to spending their life actively loving you.  Without that, sex is full of hurt, guilt, and uncertainty and a couple of minutes of pleasure.  Ladies, if a guy loves you the way you really want him to love you, he won't have sex with you until he has said his "I dos".  Why?  Because he'll be thinking ahead and realizing how much it would hurt you if things didn't work out or how disappointed you'd be in yourself if you went against your standards. 

Don't sell yourself short.  Wait.  Let's be real; it's not always easy, but trust, it's worth it.

Lam 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.

We Are All Meant to Shine as Children Do

What can take your freedom
Is it those layers of clothing you hide under
Or that food that you've sworn you'll never eat
Who can take your freedom
Is it that person you love who gives you glances of judgment and speak words that leave you feeling beaten
Or is it you, who gives it away so freely because you don't know its value

Everyday, you and I wake up ready to take on the day with a positive attitude feeling powerful beyond measure.  Throughout the day, we allow what we see in the mirror and how others treat us to bring us down.  Here's the truth:  there's no one else like you.  If you allow anything or anyone to make you feel like less than the amazing creation of the most high God, you lose the freedom to be amazing and enjoy living out your purpose in this generation.  Start valuing your freedom today.  Don't hide; the world would not be the same without you!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery"  Galatians 5:1

Goodbye Apple, Hello Donuts!

Today, I was eating my morning apple as usual.  These were fresh, red apples picked from the orchard; I've been enjoying them for about a week now.  Well, somebody decided to be really friendly and bring donuts for the school to enjoy for breakfast!  I'm telling you, my eyes followed those donuts from the minute they entered the door to the moment the top of the box was slowly lifted to reveal freshly baked donuts.  I vocalized how upset I was that donuts were brought but it sure didn't stop me from walking over there and eating not one, but two!  No worries though, I still went back and finished my apple.  Now I've got 3 options:  I could beat myself up for eating two donuts that obviously aren't doing anything for my health, I could pretend eating donuts doesn't matter, or I could accept that I ate(and enjoyed :-) them and set up parameters that will make me successful for next time.  For this case, I've learned that I will no longer let anyone change my planned meal unless it was to make it healthier.

Bottomline:  Forgive yourself (mind, BODY, soul) and learn something everytime you make a mistake.  Before you know it, old mistakes will be a distant memory.  Pretty soon for me, it'll be Hello Apple, Goodbye donuts!

Here's to your success!

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"

[can you name the reference for the above passage without looking it up? prove it!]

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

How many mirrors do you have?
          How long do you look at the mirror?
                    How many times do you look at the mirror?
                              What are you looking for in the mirror?

After you've thought through those questions, I'm curious to read your responses.  Some of you may steer clear of mirrors and others may carry a mirror with them at all times.  Most of you probably fall somewhere in the middle.  Wherever you fall, just know that a mirror's only accuracy is found when it reflects an object back to you.   Everything else you see in the mirror is merely a reflection of your perspective of the objects. 

Bottomline:  Beauty is not an object so quit trying to look for beauty by looking at the mirror.  If you see beauty, it's because you feel beautiful.  If not, it's because you're not feeling beautiful.  It's not only beauty, you may be looking for confidence or strength.  It all comes from within, you can't see it unless you believe it to be there.  A mirror is just a mirror.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecclesiastes 3:11

Did I Just Look Though All This Girl's Pictures?

Yes, you did.  It all starts off as an innocent stroll through your facebook minifeed.  Suddenly, you notice a picture of a familiar face, a girl looking prettier than you think she really is.  You think "Hold up.  I'm supposed to be prettier (or thinner) than she is.  Is she really that pretty?  That thin?  She can't be that photogenic!  Did she lose weight?  I need to see more pictures; I gotta know"  Before you know it, you're frantically clicking 'next' in her photo album and getting overly frustrated when certain pictures take entirely too long to load...

How am I able to describe this scenario so accurately?  It's not by personal experience, of course, since we all know that I have absolutely no struggles with my self image :-)  I can describe it because it's real.  Maybe after you're done looking at all the pictures you let out a sigh of relief because you found enough pictures that let you know that you won the pretty contest, or you decide the other girl's prettier but at least you have more friends than she does.  However it ends, you probably feel embarrassed for having wasted that much time putting another person down for your own ego.  Sometimes you put down your closest friends. 

I'm guessing you don't want to be that girl anymore.  I know you want to be the type who constantly builds up others, especially since you know firsthand how hard it is for girls to fully love themselves.  I usually end with a verse I feel sums up the main theme of each blog entry.  This time, I want you to search God's word (on paper or internet) to discover the appropriate verse that will help you do what it takes so you don't have to resort to putting down others.  Then, post it in the comment section so the blog world can also benefit.

We're in this together.

Demolition Poker

Feelings aren't truth.  They are perspectives regarding truth.  Sometimes, feelings work to your benefit, but when they don't, how possible is it for you to change how you feel?  Very possible! 

As powerful as you may currently think your feelings are, truth easily trumps it!  Have you been elevating your feelings to a higher place of value than the truth?  Don't get it twisted, truth trumps feelings 100% of the time.  If you were playing cards, a King always wins over a 2, always.  No matter how much a lie or emotions tries to talk itself into a win, if you know the Truth, you win and those things become obsolete and lose!  2s don't stand a chance around any face card not to even mention a King.  So here's some truth about you ; remember and play this card, and you're sure to win everytime!

Listen, the truth is you're beautiful.  You're worthwhile.  NOTHING and/or NO ONE can ever add or subtract from that truth.  That's God's absolute truth!  Don't you just love that?  Good, now live it confidently, YOU WIN!

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God!" 2 Cor. 10: 5a

I Wonder...

I don't feel beautiful today.  I haven't felt beautiful for the past couple of weeks. Why does beauty mean so much to me?  At the end of the day, if I accomplish everything on my to do list, but don't feel beautiful, I find it difficult to celebrate my victories.  On the other hand, if nothing goes well that day, and I look in the mirror and see my beautiful reflection, my spirit gleams with pride and I say "At least I looked good!"

What if I stopped praying "God, help me know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm beautiful" and started praying "God, show me what is more valuable than my beauty?"

I wonder....

"May I never boast except in the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ" Galations 6:14a

Let 'Em

Let others love you.  If they compliment you, give to you, or sacrifice for you, learn to say "thank you."  Loving yourself and allowing others to love you go hand in hand; one makes the other easier and vice versa.  Don't fall into the pit of being desperate for the love of others but stop turning it down.  Let others love you.

"Love covers over a multitude of sins" I Peter 4:8b

Get a Check Up!

Get a check-up!  That's a great first step towards you taking care of your body.  You see, the media has the focus all wrong.  If you focus on how you look outwardly, you may get skinny but lose your health.  If we focus on our health, we will have the fringe benefits of getting to a more comfortable weight, clearer skin, regularity [:-)], and better overall satisfaction.  When we're not letting our health lead us, we're in danger of doing harm to our body. 

BUT don't move from being consumed with being skinny to being consumed with being healthy.  Do not focus on perfection but only to get better.  An obsession with health can rob you as well.  The goal is to start to let your body work for you so that it doesn't keep you from living your life.  Doing good things for your body makes your body feel good.  When your body feels good, so do you!

So...get a check-up so you can find out areas of your health you will begin to improve in.  Don't worry, it'll be fun!  You'll be encouraged when you experience how good just that one step makes you feel!

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and life to come."  I Timothy 4:8

What are the other steps we can take to make our bodies feel good?  However big or small, share with us!

Make Your Own Magic

Weeds are naturally occurring, while beautiful flowers take hard work.  The entrance of a poor self/body image is a weed.  It's inevitable and constant.  Flowers and trees require planting.  We've spent the past couple of weeks pulling weeds but now I'd like us to plant some good into our minds.  Good thoughts just don't magically pop up and stay on your mind the way bad thoughts do.  If we chose not to be intentional at all about what we focus our mind on, our natural tendency would be to lean towards bad thoughts.  If you want to think good thoughts about yourself everyday, you need to go out, find the positive thoughts you want, meditate on them, and repeat.  Don't wait around for it to magically come to you.  Be proactive (no, I am not advertising an acne solution) and meditate on good.  Here's my formula this particular good:  GOOD = TRUTH + FAITH.  Seek truth and be encouraged by it!  Even if the truth is that you may be obese (not by your standards, but by doctors' standards), it's still good because you know where you're starting from and you can have faith in your ability to begin living healthier.  This week, find the good in you and the world around you and then focus your mind on it!  By doing this, we're practicing positivity, also known as forward thinking.  Let's move forward!  Next week, we'll move into physical wellness...
  
"Finally, brothers [and sisters], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  Philippians 4:8


Do you agree with my proposed formula of good?  If not, share your own definition!  Then based on your accepted definition of good, what are some of the "goods" you will be intentionally meditating on this week?

You're No Exception to Your Rule

Last week, we were able to regain control of a definition of the type of beauty most important to us.  Great work!  This week, we're going to focus on allowing others to have control of their definition of beauty.  Let's face it, we (or maybe it's just me) can size up a girl's beauty the second we meet her.  Regardless of whether or not we allow our assessment to affect how we will treat her, we have none the less made a physical assessment.  Wouldn't it be nice to walk into a room and not pass judgment?  It really is possible and is a worthy goal to have.  Here's why.  The way we judge people's appearances is the same way we will continue to judge ourselves; it almost becomes an involuntary action.  Your brain is programmed to automatically criticize peoples' flaws and it isn't programmed to exclude you.  So as you judge the appearances of others, you're further strangling yourself in your own constant criticism.  That makes it extremely difficult for you to care for yourself because you're constantly devaluing yourself. 

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  Matthew 7:1-2


So here's what I suggest doing, start with increasing your awareness of how much and how quickly you judge others, and see where it takes you.  In fact, let's help each other out.  For the application portion this week, comment on the blog by giving at least one action/practice that you think can help others to stop judging or even to judge less.  It could be something that has worked well for you in the past or an idea that randomly came to you that you think might be beneficial.  See you in the comment section!

Beauty as Defined by You

Welcome to our first step towards a healthy body image.  If you asked 10 different people what they thought beauty really was, you would get 10 different responses.  That statement is true because as we all know from the 'ol saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  What you find beautiful in others, your friend may not even qualify as being worth mentioning and that's okay.   The only dilemma is you rarely recognize yourself as the beholder with the eye for beauty.  You may not even have thought about what it means to be beautiful because you've been trying to meet other people's definition.  So to start of, this week, I would like you to reflect and share about what you think beauty truly is.  That way, you'll begin to see beauty as defined by you.

 "You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless"  Songs of Solomon 4:7 (The Message)

You're Cordially Invited to...

Ladies (and gentlemen alike),

Welcome.  This blog is a place where lies will be confronted and silenced, where you will once again find your value, and where you'll be free to love you.  This blog is about all of us ridding our distorted and false body images.  Some of us haven't bought much into the hype that we're nothing unless we have a "perfect" body, face, skin, and hair and others have completely shaped their lives around it.  Wherever you fall in this spectrum, there's a place for you here.  This blog is for all of us who are tired of being bombarded with commercials and internet ads telling us to hate ourselves, bodies included.  I myself am done with it!  I say "Shut up, and let me love me!"

I've begun a journey of uncovering an unfading beauty and focusing first on appreciating my entire body.  That appreciation has propelled me to care for myself:  mind, body, and spirit.  Don't get misled; hating your body will NEVER result in you taking care of your body.  No more liquid diets, pills, boxed meals, or guilt exercising; it's time for us to take back our complete self worth and implement actions that will actually bring real and lasting results. This blog is a resource not only for you to get rid of the unhealthy but to put on the healthy.  Here, you will gain a powerful new perspective as you're re-introduced to truth, hope, acceptance, and strength.  We won't stop at scripture, we'll be pulling from an endless supply of freeing knowledge.  So I invite me to join me every Friday to let me love me while I let you love you.

Here's to our journey!  It promises to be positive, eye-opening, liberating, and a catalyst of change for all who join in!