So here's what I suggest doing, start with increasing your awareness of how much and how quickly you judge others, and see where it takes you. In fact, let's help each other out. For the application portion this week, comment on the blog by giving at least one action/practice that you think can help others to stop judging or even to judge less. It could be something that has worked well for you in the past or an idea that randomly came to you that you think might be beneficial. See you in the comment section!
Friday, July 9, 2010
You're No Exception to Your Rule
Last week, we were able to regain control of a definition of the type of beauty most important to us. Great work! This week, we're going to focus on allowing others to have control of their definition of beauty. Let's face it, we (or maybe it's just me) can size up a girl's beauty the second we meet her. Regardless of whether or not we allow our assessment to affect how we will treat her, we have none the less made a physical assessment. Wouldn't it be nice to walk into a room and not pass judgment? It really is possible and is a worthy goal to have. Here's why. The way we judge people's appearances is the same way we will continue to judge ourselves; it almost becomes an involuntary action. Your brain is programmed to automatically criticize peoples' flaws and it isn't programmed to exclude you. So as you judge the appearances of others, you're further strangling yourself in your own constant criticism. That makes it extremely difficult for you to care for yourself because you're constantly devaluing yourself.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2
So here's what I suggest doing, start with increasing your awareness of how much and how quickly you judge others, and see where it takes you. In fact, let's help each other out. For the application portion this week, comment on the blog by giving at least one action/practice that you think can help others to stop judging or even to judge less. It could be something that has worked well for you in the past or an idea that randomly came to you that you think might be beneficial. See you in the comment section!
So here's what I suggest doing, start with increasing your awareness of how much and how quickly you judge others, and see where it takes you. In fact, let's help each other out. For the application portion this week, comment on the blog by giving at least one action/practice that you think can help others to stop judging or even to judge less. It could be something that has worked well for you in the past or an idea that randomly came to you that you think might be beneficial. See you in the comment section!
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I believe that going against our initial action of judging someone, we could resist and instead compliment (either verbally or just inside of our minds) that person on something we admire/appreciate about them. And yes, there is SOMETHING good about every single one of us, so we cannot allow ourselves to use the excuse, "well, I just can't think of anything good to say/think about him or her." For some people, you might have to dig a little deeper to find something. : ) And soon enough, this will become habitual and we will have replaced judgmental curses with complimentary praises.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you put that verse up. I had never read it in the context of this situation, but it is so relevant! It's taken on a whole new meaning for me. I wholeheartedly agree with you, by the way, that the way we judge others is the way we judge ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI've also noticed a lot of times in myself, that when I begin to judge or criticize, there is usually jealousy behind it. I don't know if it's true for men also, but for women, it's usually the prettiest girl in the room that we want to find fault in. So, I think one thing that helps in this situation is to dig deeper into what you said, Priscilla. To think about ourselves in that situation and realize that we too are beautiful and whole and there's no need for criticism. To realize that I can be beautiful and this other person can be beautiful with no threat to me at all.
Another thing that often helps me is remembering what it feels like to be judged or criticized myself. And I hate it. Once I put myself in their shoes, I simply lose the desire to be that way.
Beth, yeah, it is the same with guys. We get jealous, too, and a lot of times if one were to pull back the curtains on someone's criticism, you'd find nothing but insecurity, self-doubt, and at least a mild desire to possess a certain quality/trait of that other person. Men and women are alike in many ways, and this certainly is one of them.
ReplyDeleteJohn, thanks for opening my eyes to see that this issue is not at all specific to girls. Across gender lines, we all are susceptible to a poor self image. Anyway, I'm glad you're here!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the ideas everyone...anymore out there?
Sorry, saw a typo, had to repost! So this is how I see it, but it might just make sense in my head :)
ReplyDeleteIt helps me to remember that we are allowed to look any way we look, have any faults we have, make mistakes, etc, and still be loved by the Lord. I am so bad about trying to fix myself before I come to Him. But you can't change the way you look! So any flaw I think I have stands out to me--and the same often happens when I look at others. But I have to remember that I am ALLOWED to look the way I look and be loved by the Lord--duh, because he created me this way! And that helps me when I look at others, whether they are super beautiful and intimidating--she is allowed to look that way! or if I find myself noticing "imperfections" in others like I do in myself--they are allowed to look just the way they look! And they are beautiful just for being themselves. When the measuring stick of the world's definition of beauty (the media, what others say, my own preconceived notions) falls away, every person is just a unique creation of God. Not a threat, and not someone to boost your self-esteem if they seemingly have more flaws. Just someone who is allowed to look exactly as they do with no judgments.
Somehow that is always easier to say about others than myself.