When I was thirteen, I had oral sex with 4 guys in one night. It started out with just two but then they called their friends and pretty soon, they were lined up and I was the prize. I remember not understanding why it was such a big deal to them but enjoying the fact that all their eyes were focused on me. It wasn't until the weekend ended and Monday brought on the realization that all the guys wanted was what they could get out of me and how it would make them feel. They told the whole school and the girls (even though they were doing the same thing) called me sluts and the guys threw money at me in between classes. Every time I saw any of the guys who were there that night, they gave me a look as if they'd conquered me, which to my understanding, they had. People talk about hitting rock bottom. That was mine. Everyone treated me like trash and I felt like trash with no hope of things ever changing. I'm so grateful for that humiliating experience. It just so happened that the only group of people who didn't know what I did were the Christians so the people of Campus Crusade for Christ for high school students became my new friends. I was mentored by two older women who repeatedly and gently told me not to sell myself short. They told me that God had these things for my future: a plan for my life, a trustworthy husband who would love me for me, and best of all, a heart to forgive me for everything I had done.
More than a decade later, those days are long gone. The thought to share this story came because I remembered that this is an ongoing struggling for many women today. It starts in the preteen years and goes on as long as we let it before we finally surrender our pain to God. We'll find a healing that fills our void and holds us back from using our bodies for what it wasn't meant for. Sex is not something you wait until you're old enough for. Sex is supposed to be enjoyed forever with your spouse. A spouse that has committed to spending their life actively loving you. Without that, sex is full of hurt, guilt, and uncertainty and a couple of minutes of pleasure. Ladies, if a guy loves you the way you really want him to love you, he won't have sex with you until he has said his "I dos". Why? Because he'll be thinking ahead and realizing how much it would hurt you if things didn't work out or how disappointed you'd be in yourself if you went against your standards.
Don't sell yourself short. Wait. Let's be real; it's not always easy, but trust, it's worth it.
Lam 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.
First of all, I thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable so that others might be blessed. This takes great strength, courage, faith and trust in the Lord. I also appreciate you not beating around the bush on a top that still seems to be somewhat taboo within the Christian community. Even after knowing "of" God very well, I still gave into pressure and temptation and went after the desires of my flesh and sinned against God. And one of the sad things about sin, besides sin itself, is that you want more and more of it, because it's comfortable to our flesh -- it feels "at home." But I'm so thankful for the redeeming grace of Jesus Christ that pulled me from the fire and transformed my mind/heart so that I not only had head knowledge of him and his precepts, but I also had heart knowledge, desiring to live a life that is pleasing to the Father in every way.
ReplyDeleteIn Christ, there is forgiveness of sins. This I know. I also know that the wages of sin (any word, thought or deed contrary to God's nature) is death. And I know that any attempt at fulfillment or completion through any means other than Christ is futile and destructive. What can man promise you when he, himself is but a created thing (that is inherently a slave to sin) who is at the mercy of the Creator?
Psalm 73:25-26 declares: "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
He is our all-in-all, and should be so even in a relationship. All things should be built up with Christ as the chief cornerstone, the only sure foundation.
Thanks again, CLC.
John, thanks for your compliments as well as sermon. Preach! This is a huge part of my testimony and I love to share it. Thanks for sharing a little bit of yours too. I really liked your mention of how ridiculous it is that we look to man to give us something when he's just like us, broken and in slavery! Good word John. I love this! I love the Psalm verse too; i definitely gotta memorize that one; it'll probably be the topic of one of the future blogs! God is so pleased when we have conversations and brag on him; He's the best!
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